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slaymitchabernathy · 2 months ago

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The Nanny

꧁ One Month Later ꧂

Soarynn studies herself in the vanity mirror.

Would her father be proud of the woman she's become?

She's always tried to make him proud but being fired by the President of Panem is a bit of a letdown, a streak on her perfectly clean record. It's truly humbled her. Which is why today, she has an interview.

An interview for a job that has no emotional reasoning, only logic is involved. She's never been a receptionist before but it seems easy enough and if her skills and personality don't land her the job, then her last name certainly will.

"There are certain perks to being a Nightingale," she says to herself, applying a layer of lipstick.

The first few days after being fired as the Snow's nanny were short of horrible. She cried for hours on end, not necessarily because she got her feelings hurt, but because of the children. She didn't think she'd get so attached, but she did, broke every rule in the book by loving them and caring for them as if she were their mother.

Even though he warned her not to.

In fact, President Snow explicitly told her not to do so and she still did.

She could certainly blame Festus Creed, but at the end of the day, it was her own fault. She didn't grow careless, instead, she cared too much and it cost her the children.

A painful lesson to learn.

She turns on her stool to face Petunia who's been lounging on her bed since they both woke up for the day, "How do I look Petunia?" Her fluffy white cat only meows in response, batting a paw in the air. Soarynn allows herself a small smile, reaching over to scratch behind her ears before getting up to get dressed.

She picked out her outfit last night so she didn't run late. A stylish red dress with a straight neckline and a belt that accentuates her waist, and a pair of black heels. Simple yet classy. She chooses a few pieces of gold jewelry to go along with her outfit, earrings, a simple necklace, and perhaps a ring. She studies her small collection of rings that she's gathered over the years and her eyes land on a ring with a rose adorning it.

She'd be lying if she said it didn't hurt to see it.

Roses now hold a very deep, personal meaning to her.

She decides on a simple gold band and just as she's slipping it on, the doorbell rings.

Soarynn frowns, she had arranged for a driver to pick her up but that's not for at least another thirty minutes. Still, she quickly leaves her closet and makes her way out of her room and into the hallway. She glides down the marble staircase, Petunia hot on her heels to also see who's at the door.

Soarynn quickly runs her fingers through her hair, just in case there's a very attractive man on the other side of the doors who was looking for a wife.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

The doorbell rings three more times in a row and Soarynn frowns, whoever is on the other side must be in a terrible hurry. She pulls the doors open and can't stop the shock from spreading across her face when she sees a small finger attached to the doorbell, more importantly, who is attached to that little finger.

Celeste smiles up at her, "Soarynn I rang the doorbell!"

Soarynn is at a loss for words when Celeste and Ceraphina rush in to hug her, talking a mile a minute, her hands resting on their blonde curls like it's second nature. She nods along to everything they say, trying to gain her bearings. Never in her life did she think the Snow girls would be at her house. She looks up for a moment and her heart nearly stops at the sight of President Snow standing on her doorstep, Caspian in his arms.

She knows she was hoping for an attractive man looking for a wife, but this is not exactly what she had in mind.

"Did you miss us?"

That question pulls her out of her daze and she nods, looking back down at the girls, "I've missed so you very much," she whispers, getting a bit emotional.

Ceraphina smiles and her attention is quickly drawn to Petunia who's been watching from a safe distance, "Petunia!" It's a mad dash the moment she speaks, Petunia darting into the living room and the girls chasing after her, giggling up a storm.

Soarynn doesn't even know what to do or say so she simply watches President Snow slowly walk up the steps and give her a nod, "May we come in?"

Soarynn focuses on Caspian who's already reaching out for her, "You might as well," she answers, giving Caspian's hand a squeeze, "Momma," he mumbles and President Snow sighs, "I know Cas, I know." His piercing gaze settles back on Soarynn and she feels a shiver travel down her spine, "I was hoping we could talk."

Soarynn swallows, she can't really say no, not to the President of Panem. "Alright." President Snow looks around the foyer of her home wearily as if memories are flashing through his mind of a time when this house was full of life a laughter.

Now it's filled with death and darkness, much like his own home.

"Perhaps we should have this discussion in the study," he suggests, forging forward and leaving her with no option but to follow him. He seems so sure of himself walking through her house, but he's been here before if she can recall, or he at least knew her parents quite well. Caspian lets out several whimpers and whines, flailing in his father’s arms as he carries them through the house.

He leads them to her father's study, a room she hasn't touched in months. He turns on the light and turns to face her, a bit of an uncomfortable look on his face, "I think he wants you to hold him."

"Yes," is all Caspian says and Soarynn is more than happy to oblige, lifting him from his father's arms and pressing a kiss to his head once he's safely in hers, "Oh, I missed you, sweet boy," she whispers. Caspian lifts his head and she grins when she sees that little smile on his face, "Lenny misses," he mumbles. Soarynn raises her eyebrows, "Lenny misses me too? I've missed him quite a lot as well."

Caspian seems content with her confession and rests his head back on her chest, leaving Soarynn to look back up at his father who's watching them with so much conflict behind his eyes. "Let's sit down," he finally says, rounding her father's desk as if he lives here.

Soarynn doesn't fight it though, she just sits down in the chair across from him, trying to forget what happened the last time they were seated like this.

"I have come..." he starts, his teeth clicking when he shuts his mouth, shaking his head, "I...I have come to apologize to you."

Soarynn raises her eyebrows again, "You have come to apologize?"

He nods, seemingly as surprised as she is, "I have," he confirms, "I was wrong for what I did, although I will not apologize for my reasoning." Soarynn furrows her eyebrows at his contradicting words and before she can say anything he holds his hand up, silencing her, "Let me explain my reasoning first, then you can tell me what a horrible human being I am," he says.

He sounds like he's said that a thousand times, always having to explain how he does things and he probably has. Being President means making hard calls, and tough decisions, and someone is always going to be hurt by them. This time, it was Soarynn.

"When I was alerted about the...incident, my main concern was my children. At the end of the day, their safety is my main priority. Not their happiness, not their upbringing, their safety. When I heard about what had transpired feet away from their rooms, no matter who was at fault, I knew their safety had been at risk and that was reason enough for me to dismiss you."

Soarynn looks back down at Caspian, sound asleep in her arms already. He had witnessed the horrific night, and something could've happened, Festus could've acted out of anger and hurt him or the girls.

"That being said, I cannot afford to act off of emotion. I can not afford to get close to anyone, to let anyone in. Not after Livia. So when I dared to break my rules for a moment, when I allowed you to call me by my name and then within the same breath found out about what happened between you and Festus, I knew what had to be done. I knew that by breaking my own rules, there would be consequences. I didn't however, expect to reap them so soon," he admits, sitting back in the chair, "but I was hurt nonetheless."

Soarynn didn't think President Snow was capable of being hurt, not from what she's seen. But perhaps his children are the one thing, the one way to hurt him. They're the one thing he loves and it's the things we love most that destroy us.

She purses her lips, "I understand," she says slowly, "I don't appreciate how rashly you acted and how you went about dismissing me but I do understand how important your children’s safety is. Their safety is important to me too. I would never do anything to endanger them."

He lets out a bitter laugh, rubbing his temples, "I know," he tells her, "I know you wouldn't and I know that you weren't the one who started the entire thing between you and Festus."

Soarynn's eyes widen at his statement. Where was this logic a month ago?

"I...I had my doubts," he says, "not that I didn't believe Festus but it was hard to picture the timid, quiet Soarynn Nightingale throwing herself all over a man who she didn't seem interested in a few hours ago, still, I had my loyalties and I did act rashly. It was partially due to you leaving immediately after which in my eyes, made you look guilty and it also..."

Soarynn watches him struggle to find the words to say, perhaps he's never uttered them before. "It also made me feel like a fool for letting you in and confiding in you. I thought perhaps I had found someone who genuinely cared about the sanctity of my family, someone whose care went further than the surface, so to have Festus whispering those lies in my ear truly clouded my judgment."

Soarynn blinks once, twice. She was not expecting this. None of this in fact. She was supposed to go to an interview and yet here she is, sitting with the man who fired her and managed to break her heart without even being romantically involved with her.

What a terrifying concept.

"But you know now," she says slowly, not entirely trusting herself to speak, "you know what he did to me?"

President Snow nods, a displeased look on his face, "I do," he confirms, "and I'm sorry you had to go through that, alone and without a job on top of that." Soarynn feels her lip tremble but she remains intact, she is not as breakable as he thinks.

"How do you know he's lying and I'm not?"

President Snow sighs, drumming his fingers on the wooden desk, "After I dramatically fired you, the girls were a mess as you briefly witnessed. They were inconsolable, and they refused to speak to me. This went on for several weeks as you can imagine, the tantrums, the crabiness, the distancing. I've hardly been able to recognize my darling daughters," he mumbles, shaking his head, "and I'm the one to blame. But I invited Festus over a few days ago for a drink, I needed to clear my head after the month I'd endured. Looking for a new nanny has proven to be more difficult than I anticipated. You've set our standards quite high," he tells her, a small twinkle in his eyes.

Soarynn feels herself swell with pride at his comment. To know that she's left a lasting mark, a lasting impression on his family is closure enough. But he continues talking, "I brought Caspian with me," he gestures to his sleeping son, "he hasn't been sleeping well since you left. Screaming, crying, the whole nine yards. The moment he saw Festus I saw something I've never seen in Caspian's eyes."

Soarynn peers down at the sleeping angel in her arms, the sweetest boy who has eyes identical to his father’s. She can't imagine what President Snow saw that frightened him so much.

"What did you see?"

"Hate."

His answer is enough to stun her. Caspian isn't capable of hate, he wouldn't hurt a fly let alone have it in him to hate someone.

President Snow nods as if reading her perplexed mind, "Exactly. He refused to look at Festus for the rest of the night until Festus went to tickle him, trying to cheer him up and Caspian pushed his hand away, another thing that stunned me. Then Festus made a few crude comments about you when I mentioned that your departure might be a reason for Caspian's behavior. I called him out on it but he insisted I was just tired and frustrated. When Festus was leaving, he went to give Caspian a friendly squeeze, he's more than used to it," he says, watching Soarynn nod along to his words.

"And then...and then Caspian said two words, and that was all I needed to hear to know that it wasn't you who came onto Festus, but Festus who came onto you and followed you upstairs while everyone else was down at the party."

Her mouth is dry with anticipation but she manages to speak, "What did he say?"

President Snow focuses his gaze on Caspian, a bit of pride in his eyes, "He pushed Festus away again and said: 'Hurt Momma' and I knew there was no one else on the earth that he could consider to be his mother but you."

Soarynn doesn't realize she's crying until a tear lands on top of Caspian's head, causing him to rouse from his sleep and press a hand on her cheek, "Momma." She looks down into his eyes, a loving smile on her face, "I'm right here darling."

"After that, I pushed Festus into telling the truth. He claimed he was drunk as if that made it any better or excused his actions. Then I remembered seeing the bruise on your wrist. I put the rest of the pieces together before taking care of Festus."

Soarynn looks at him from across the desk, both their eyes holding different emotions, "He...he found me when I was leaving Caspian's room. I bumped the doors open trying to get away and Caspian ended up witnessing the whole thing," she gets out, more tears burning as the memories resurface, "I didn't think he'd remember any of it after I got him back to sleep."

A flash of anger passes through his eyes before they return to normal and he clasps his hands, "I can assure you that Festus will be dealt with thoroughly."

Soarynn doesn’t press to find out what he truly means. As long as she doesn’t have to worry about Festus breaking into her home at night, then it’s none of her concern.

They both sit there for a moment, staring at each other as if neither of them truly knows what to make out of the other. For a second when they were dancing, Soarynn thought she had felt something, witnessed something genuine rather than the usual cold facade she was greeted with.

But he’s closed off now, even in the safety of her own home he’s on guard, protecting himself and his children. She can hear the girls giggling in the other room and a few meows of protest from Petunia who’s most likely tired out and given in to their want to play with her.

“Is this all you came for then?” She asks, her voice steadier than she thought it would be. After all these months, President Snow still has the capability of making her nervous. Even in her father’s study.

He shakes his head, clearing his throat while doing so. “No, I…we,” he gestures to himself and then to Caspian, “have come to ask for you to come back to us.”

Soarynn’s heartbeat rapidly increases at the request, at the chance to go back to being with the children. A small part of her worries about what could lie in the future, she could be fired again, humiliated again. And for something she did not do.

But the larger part of her wants nothing more than to wake up and face the new day with the Snow children by her side. The future might be prosperous for her and she’d be a fool to let it slip through her fingers.

“You want me back?”

President Snow nods, a small smile on his lips, “I will not lie and say that the past month has been easy. Eudora has taken on the brunt of caring for the children but she can’t do two things at once forever and there’s no one in this world who can care for them the way you do. The girls won’t accept anyone but you and I’m highly certain that Caspian feels the same way.”

Soarynn almost finds herself nodding to his proposal when she realizes how much time has passed. She’s missed her interview.

“I was supposed to have an interview today,” she says, more to herself than to him. “I was going to be a secretary for a law firm.”

President Snow quirks an eyebrow yet he does not look surprised in the slightest, “I know,” he plainly states, “I was the one who referred you.” Soarynn's jaw slightly drops, she hadn't expected him to have a helping hand in landing her interview but President Snow is full of surprises it seems. He scoffs a laugh at her dumbfounded expression, "Don't look so stunned," he tells her, leaning back in his chair, "you're an excellent worker, even if you didn't list me as a reference."

Soarynn blushes at his comment, she had chosen to forego listing him as a past employer for many obvious reasons, worrying that he might say something to further ruin her reputation. But instead, he helped her.

"Then you knew about it," she murmurs, daring to look him directly in the eye, "you knew my interview would be today, so you showed up right before I left."

The President of Panem almost looks...caught if that's even possible. Guilty would be a better term for it.

He cards a hand through his golden curls and sighs deeply, "I must admit that showing up today was a strategic plan on my part and a desperate one on Eudora's part since she's quite eager to have you back with us. We figured catching you before the interview would be our best route."

Soarynn didn't realize she was so special.

"Well, I...I would not be opposed to working for your family again," she says, straightening up in her seat, "but I would like to request a few things should I agree to your terms."

President Snow gives her a teasing look as if he hadn't expected this, but Soarynn would be a fool to blindly agree to come back without a safety net in place, "Go on," he encourages, "tell me your terms and conditions."

Soarynn clears her throat, feeling as if she's conducting a business meeting with him. Her father used to do this with her all the time when she wanted something, have her draft up a business proposal, or well, a semblance of one. That's how she got Petunia, a compelling argument can go a long way.

But this isn't her father.

"I would like actions to be taken to prevent another incident from occurring," she states, watching his eyes flash with anger but not at her, she knows who he's really mad at. "Not just in your home," she elaborates, "but anywhere we go, anywhere something bad could happen."

He laces his fingers together, "Anything else?"

"Yes, the children need something to look after, some responsibility like a pet." His nostrils flare at her suggestion, you'd think she suggested setting fire to the Mansion, "A pet is a huge undertaking," he tells her, using the same voice he uses with his girls, "not to mention messy and loud. An animal in my house is quite unlikely."

Soarynn frowns and rubs soothing circles on Caspian's back when he slightly stirs, "A horse then," she decides, "build a stable and allow the girls to take riding lessons. They could learn a great deal by taking care of the horse." He looks off into the distance as if contemplating her proposal and Soarynn hopes he'll accept it, the girls love animals and while a dog might be better suited for them, a horse is a step in the right direction.

"I'll speak to my groundskeepers about building stables," he finally says.

Soarynn cheerfully nods, "Wonderful."

"Is there anything else?"

Soarynn tugs at her bottom lip with her teeth, she can't think of anything else off the top of her head, except..."I want you to listen to me when I try and tell you something," she tells him, "I want you to trust that I would never do anything to put your children in danger and if someone says I would, then I want you to come to me first, not fire me first."

His throat bobs and she knows she's got him. Soarynn shouldn't be talking to her boss this way but this might be her only chance.

"Alright Ms. Nightingale," he says slowly, "I'll agree to your conditions. They seem fair and logical, and I can have my secretary write up a contract listing all of them for the two of us to sign off on."

Soarynn is buzzing with excitement, she gets to go back, to be with the children again.

"Now let me list my terms and conditions."

What?

President Snow wears a smirk letting her know that this won't be a one-sided exchange, "For starters, you'll actually take your one day off every month instead of spending it with my children. I know you've been avoiding those days but it's important for one to have a day of rest."

Soarynn slightly slouches in her chair but doesn't argue with him, perhaps a day off every now and then wouldn't be the worst thing. "Secondly, and I'm speaking for my entire family when I say this, we want you to become a live-in nanny."

Soarynn scrunches her eyebrows in confusion. A live-in nanny?

He waves off her confusion with the wave of his hand, "You'll move into the mansion with us, be with my children at all hours of the day instead of returning to your home every night." He looks around the study that hasn't been touched since the day her father died, dust covering almost anything, "I have a feeling that it must get quite lonely in this large house."

Soarynn purses her lips, it certainly does get lonely but she has Petunia to keep her company and she can't just abandon her. "I'd have to bring my cat," she tells him, watching his jaw clench, "I can't leave her, she's all I have left of him," she whispers the last part. "Besides, the girls already love her and she won't cause any trouble I swear. All she does is sleep."

They're at a bit of a standstill, both wanting something from the other, not willing to give up or back down.

Finally, he breaks.

"Fine. Your cat may come but should she damage any of my property, she's out."

Soarynn can't hide the smile growing across her face, she gets her children back and Petunia gets to come with her. Oh, the girls will be so excited when they hear the news. "You can start today I presume?' He asks while rising from his seat. Soarynn quickly nods and does the same, adjusting her hold on Caspian, "Yes sir."

He grunts, "Very well then. Pack your things and my men will bring them all to the Mansion this afternoon. You and the children can return home once you're finished packing."

Soarynn's smile slightly drops at his orders, "You're not coming with us?" He looks perplexed by her question and sudden disappointment but shakes his head, "I have meetings to attend in the city. I assumed you would accept my offer so I would then be able to leave my children in your trusted care once again. I have another car waiting outside to take you all back home."

Soarynn purses her lips but she doesn't push him any further, this discussion has been a lot for the both of them.

"Home," Caspian repeats, now wide awake. Soarynn softly chuckles and places a kiss on top of his head, "Mhm, we're all going home Cas."

President Snow eyes her and his son, a somewhat fond expression in his eyes although she doubts it's for her and most likely for his son, but she wonders what it would be like for him to look at her that way. He might have looked at Livia like that once upon a time before their world came crashing down.

"Daddy! Daddy look!"

The girls come running into the study, drawing their focus to the topic at hand which will always be the children. Soarynn looks down to find a very annoyed-looking Petunia with a pink ribbon tied around her neck while being held in Ceraphina's arms. She lets out a pleading meow when she sees Soarynn as if saying: 'Save me.'

A small smile graces the President's lips, a genuine one at that, reserved only for his darling children, "She doesn't look too pleased about playing dress-up darling." Ceraphina shakes her head, "She loves it, don't you Petunia?"

Petunia does her best to avoid eye contact with anyone, looking at the ground instead, "Your house is so big Soarynn," Celeste tells her, reaching up to take her hand. Soarynn gladly takes it, knowing now to cherish every moment with these sweet angels, "I won't be staying in it for much longer," she muses, watching both girls grow curious faces. "What do you mean? Are you moving?" Celeste asks, tugging on her hand with an anxious look on her face.

Soarynn immediately crouches down so she's at eye level with both girls who have been dealing with loss for quite some time now, her departure only adding to that trauma, "I am moving," she tells them, watching the crestfallen looks on their faces only grow deeper causing a smile to grow onto hers, "because I'm moving in with you. I'm going to be your live-in nanny now."

The change in their demeanors is instantaneous, the girls go from on the verge of tears to shrieking and jumping up and down.

"Really?! You're really gonna come live with us Soarynn?"

"I am," Soarynn confirms, "Petunia is too."

This might be the best news the girls have ever gotten. They go from hugging Soarynn to hugging their father, thanking him for allowing Soarynn to return. Caspian rests a hand on her cheek and she turns to look into his blue eyes, identical to his father's, "Stay," he says with a determined tone.

Soarynn nods, pressing a kiss to his hand, "I'm staying," she tells him, "I'm not going anywhere."

꧁ ꧂

Everything becomes a blur once President Snow leaves.

After saying goodbye to the children and making them promise to behave, he left for his meetings and Soarynn took the children upstairs so she could start packing.

She packs the necessities first, things such as toiletries and her favorite clothing items while the girls run rampant through her room, wanting to see and touch everything she's ever owned. She doesn't mind though, she's simply happy to be back in their presence again. Caspian sits atop her bed, watching her pack her things into a suitcase while Petunia sits next to him, both their curious blue eyes watching her every move.

"Soarynn, who's this?"

Soarynn glances over at her bookshelf where Ceraphina and Celeste are staring at a photograph of her and her father together, taken the day she graduated from the Academy. "That's my father," she says with a sad smile, "he passed away a while ago."

Ceraphina reaches out to touch the photograph, gently so she doesn't risk knocking it over, "Where's the pictures of you with your mommy?"

A wave of sadness washes over Soarynn, knowing that she'll never have a photograph of her and her mother together is a painful reminder of how her mother passed away. "She died when I was a baby," she explains, "so we never got to take a photo together."

Cera Nightingale was known for her beauty and acts of kindness. She was known to be graceful and full of life, lighting up every room she walked into. So it was no surprise that she fell for Glen Nightingale, a quiet man with a large heart and a kind demeanor. The couple had been overjoyed when they found out Cera was pregnant with their firstborn daughter, who would unbeknownst to them, take Cera's life during the traumatic birth.

And yet her father remained endlessly kind and patient with her, even though Soarynn carried guilt deep down, a feeling that she was responsible for killing her mother. She didn't speak of her mother often, the last time she spoke of her was with President Snow who remarked on their similar looks and traits of kindness, both things she would never bear witness to.

"It's okay," Celeste tells her, crossing the room to place a comforting hand on Soarynn's leg, "as long as we have Daddy, we'll be okay." Soarynn finds it so very adorable and kind of Celeste to be comforting her in this time of sadness, especially at such a young age. President Snow had commented on how she might make his children more kind but that seems impossible, they're already endlessly kind.

"Yes," Soarynn agrees, "we'll all be okay."

꧁ ꧂

It's a wonderful feeling to be back in the President's Mansion. Soarynn thought she might never grace these halls again, let alone with Petunia who took one look at the grand foyer before turning her head and making her way up the stairs. It might take some more exploring to impress her.

"Here's your room dear," Eudora calls, "right down this hall."

Soarynn finds herself surprised when she realizes that her room is in the same hall as the rest of the Snow family's rooms, right in between the girl's bedrooms and Caspian's room. Probably for the convenience of things but she's still shocked to be in such close proximity to the Presidential family, especially President Snow himself who's now only a few doors down.

"Coriolanus wanted you to have this room," Eudora tells her once they all reach the doors, "he said you might enjoy the view." Eudora pushes the doors open after saying that and Soarynn can't stop the gasp from leaving her lips.

It's gorgeous.

It's also huge. There's a large canopy bed pressed against the back wall which has large windows on each side, letting in so much natural light. To the right is a large sitting area with sofas, armchairs, and a fireplace. There are also bookshelves and a large coffee table in the middle of the seating arrangements.

To the left is a large-looking vanity with a dresser and a full-length mirror in the corner. "Oh my goodness," she whispers as she walks into the room, the girls running ahead of her. "Come and see the closet!" Ceraphina says, running into what must be the closet and bathroom. Soarynn follows her as if in a trance, taking a moment to look up at the high, intricately carved ceilings.

The bathroom is just as massive with a tub, shower, and huge counter space with a large mirror as well. There are two sinks and lots of storage space under the counters as well. Soarynn also notes a built-in vanity area as well should she choose to get ready in the bathroom instead.

"You can put your dresses in here," Celeste tells her, pointing towards the closet. Celeste had taken a liking to all of Soarynn's dresses, claiming they were fit for a princess. Soarynn was honored to be considered a princess even though she felt she was far from being one.

“This is amazing,” she whispers to herself when she finally walks into the large walk-in closet. It’s as big as the bathroom with a large table in the middle with a vase of roses sitting on top of it.

“There’s a card!” Ceraphina says, standing on her tiptoes to reach the card leaning against the base of roses. Eudora ends up reaching it for her, a curious look on the older woman’s face which means she had nothing to do with this mystery letter.

Ceraphina proudly brings it over to Soarynn who reluctantly takes it, turning it over to see if anything’s been written on it.

On the front, it simply reads:

To Ms. Nightingale

She turns it and finds that the back has been sealed with a stamp, a rose in the center of the wax. “Rose,” Caspian says, touching the wax for a moment. Soarynn nods before setting the card down on one of the shelves, “I can read it later. Why don’t you girls help me unpack?”

She’s met with excited gasps from the girls and a relieved sigh from Eudora who had been so very happy to see Soarynn walking back into the Mansion. “We’ve been quite miserable without you dear,” she had said as they walked up the grand staircase, “you’ve left a mark on this family it seems.”

The girls run back out into the bedroom to start unpacking the small bag Soarynn brought with her. The rest of her things are packed in trunks, waiting to be picked up by President Snow’s men, whoever they are. Soarynn has seen so many men over the past few months, ranging from Peacekeepers to diplomats. They have one thing in common: President Snow signs their paychecks.

“I have some things to put together, you know where to find me,” Eudora tells her and Soarynn nods, “Of course. Thank you, Eudora.”

Soarynn lingers in the closet for a moment once Eudora leaves, making it just her and Caspian in this large room with so much space she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to fill it.

What if this all goes away? What if he fires me again? What if I lose the children again?

A million terrible thoughts race through her head, thoughts about being forced out of this house again but this time would be much more painful. To have to pack her things and then leave would be devastating.

But it won’t come to that. Not if she has anything to do with it.

“Rose,” Caspian says again, pointing at the letter.

Soarynn sighs and picks it up again, feeling the paper between her fingertips, “Let’s open it now hmm?”

Soarynn walks into the bathroom and carefully sets Caspian down on the countertop before tearing open the wax seal. Her fingers slightly tremble as she pulls out the thick card, only a few words written on it from what she can see.

“Soarynn! Come look at Petunia!”

Her eyes are glued to the card when she answers, “Coming darling!”

Soarynn sets the card down on the counter, letting out a sigh before collecting herself and picking Caspian back up. She has things to do, a job to do in fact and she plans on doing it better than the first time.

But the letter stays in the back of her mind the entire day.

Those words linger on the tip of her tongue and lead her to think about the man sleeping a few doors down from her.

I do hope you enjoy the view of the gardens, and I do hope you find your new room is up to your standards. Should you need anything, don’t hesitate to let me know. I hope we can share another dance in the near future. Yours truly, Coriolanus Snow

꧁ ꧂

꧁ One Week Later ꧂

“I don’t want to wear black.”

Soarynn suppresses a sigh, she knows it’s no use in fighting any of the children today. Not when it holds such a heavy burden on their hearts.

“We have to wear black because Daddy said so,” Ceraphina reminds her little sister, fixing her own black dress, “then we can go put flowers on Mommy’s grave.”

Today marks the two-year anniversary of Livia Snow's death.

It's now a national day of remembrance and many establishments are closed for the day, including all the schools in the Capitol. Soarynn had glanced out of the front windows of the Mansion earlier this morning to see a crowd of people gathering at the front gates to lay down flowers and cards for the family.

The girls were fine during breakfast, chattering away like normal but their father was far from normal, acting more curt and closed off than usual, which was saying something for the man. Caspian didn't seem to be affected by today's significance, but Soarynn still felt terrible about it.

If Livia were still alive, she wouldn't be working for the Snow family.

"It's not a princess dress," Celeste whines, stomping her foot.

Before Soarynn can offer a word of encouragement, an authoritative voice fills the bedroom, stern and sharp, "I will not allow any misbehavior today Celeste. You should know better by now."

Celeste shrinks into herself and Soarynn glances over her shoulder at President Snow, looming over all of them with an aggravated look on his face. She swallows and turns her attention back to the youngest Snow daughter, making sure her hair is properly clipped back, "It's just for a little while darling," she whispers, hoping to salvage the rest of the day, "and you look tremendously grown up in your dress."

Celeste's bottom lip quivers and tears are quick to follow, "I...I don't wanna be grown up, I want Mommy back!" Soarynn's heart clenches at the sight of Celeste in tears, clearly hurting on this dreadful day. "I'm sorry," she whispers, crouching down to comfort Celeste, "I'm sorry she's not here anymore darling. But she's watching over you, and I know she'd be so proud of you." Celeste sniffles and allows Soarynn to pull her in for a hug, a few hiccups escaping her throat, "I don't want Daddy to be mad at me," she whispers, more tears flowing down her face.

Soarynn shakes her head and wipes her tears, "He's not mad at you darling, he could never be mad at you." She looks over her shoulder again at the man who she still knows so little about, but she knows one thing for certain, he loves his children. And he's hurting just as much as they are today.

She can see the sadness in his eyes, watching his youngest daughter break down over the loss of her mother, someone she barely got the chance to know. Ceraphina had been three when Livia passed away, Celeste was two and Caspian was still a baby.

But who could forget a mother's love?

"Come here Celeste," he says quietly, holding out a hand.

Celeste looks up at him with a bit of hesitation and Soarynn gives her a gentle squeeze, "Go on darling," she encourages, standing back up and moving to the side. She watches Celeste slowly walk over to her father, her head lowered, eyes trained on the floor. President Snow sighs and gets down on one knee to be more at eye-level with her.

He takes her small hands in his large ones and while Soarynn can't distinctly make out what he says to her, she knows it's comforting from the way Celeste melts into his hold, letting him wrap his arms around her while they both grieve.

Soarynn has never seen President Snow cry but today could be the day where a tear graces his stoic face.

She looks down at Ceraphina who's watching the interaction with watery eyes as well, "Are you alright Ceraphina?" She asks, wanting to make sure all the children are equally attended to today. Ceraphina nods and wipes any trace of tears away with the back of her hand, "Daddy says it'll get easier," she tells Soarynn, not taking her eyes off of her father and sister, "he says one day we won't be sad when we think about Mommy."

She looks up and gives Soarynn a small smile, "I don't think I can be happy today though."

Soarynn nods, resting a loving hand on top of her blonde hair, "You can be sad for as long as you want darling. No one expects you to get over it in a day or even in a year."

Ceraphina hums, "I know. I'm not like Daddy."

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn hadn't expected the cemetery to be closed today.

But now that she's seen how many people have gathered outside of the fence, she's not surprised. It's the biggest crowd she's ever seen as their car pulls up to the cemetery entrance, two Peacekeepers open the gates so that their car can drive through.

Everyone is in black.

A few people wave, all their faces somber. She spots some older women sporting mourning veils while little children clutch onto their parents and watch the car drive by.

She holds Caspian a little tighter in her lap, making sure his coat is properly buttoned. It's a cold November day, cloudy and dreary, almost fitting for the occasion.

She watches Ceraphina and Celeste lean against their father, sitting on either side of them while President Snow keeps his eyes closed and his head tilted back. He must be exhausted.

The car slowly comes to a stop and Eudora is the first one out, sporting her own mourning attire, a long black coat, a black wig, and eyelashes to match. Soarynn thinks about how Livia's funeral was the hardest thing for Eudora to plan. And who could plan for something like that?

Soarynn out of all people knows how hard it is to lose a parent. No one should have to plan for something like that.

"Let's go children," Eudora calls, waving them to follow her.

Ceraphina looks up at her father before slowly sliding across the seat and out of the car, taking Eudora's hand the second her feet touch the ground. President Snow finally opens his eyes and leans down to whisper something in Celeste's ear. Her eyes widen and she nods, taking his hand once again before they both get out of the car.

"It's our turn Caspian," Soarynn says softly, making sure she's got a good hold on the youngest Snow child while she steps out of the car. She's offered a hand and manages to keep a neutral expression as she takes President Snow's hand, gracefully standing back up to her full height, "Thank you," she says.

He only nods in response before turning on his heel to lead the way.

Soarynn has never visited Livia Snow's grave so she can only follow him and watch the children. Celeste and her father stay in the front with Eudora and Celeste in the center. Soarynn and Caspian bring up the rear and she takes a quick look around and notes several Peacekeepers either following them or patrolling the perimeter of the cemetery.

Soarynn has gotten more used to their presence but seeing them with their large guns makes her anxious.

Soarynn walks a bit faster to catch up to Eudora and Ceraphina and she lowers her voice before asking her a question, "Are we...are we allowed to be with the family for this?"

Eudora keeps her gaze trained on what's ahead of her but she shakes her head, "You and I will stay back while they visit her grave."

Soarynn hums, focusing her gaze on the back of President Snow's head, his blonde curls swept back and away from his face looking so soft. She wonders if Livia ever ran her fingers through them, if she ever looked up at him so adoringly.

From what Eudora's told her, probably not.

They walk deep into the cemetery, farther than Soarynn anticipated but when she sees the sheer size of Livia's tombstone, she can see why it's so far back.

Many people in the Capitol are rich, wealthy, and elite. But you can't take your money with you when you die. Unless you're Livia Snow. Her grave isn't even a grave, it's a mausoleum with roses growing outside of it. Soarynn has seen many decrepit graves but this is not one of them. The marble stone shines as if it's brand new. They must have someone come and clean it from time to time. Soarynn knows the Capitol citizens often come to pay their respects and leave flowers as well.

The doors leading to the inside are closed and if Sosrynn remembers correctly, they're always closed to the public. Only the family is allowed inside.

President Snow and Celeste come to a halt in front of the stone structure and both of them look back at their remaining family members. Ceraphina lets go of Eudora's hand and slowly makes her way over to her father and sister, reaching up to grab her father's other hand. Soarynn takes in a shaky breath before slowly approaching Livia's gravesite, Caspian feeling so heavy in her arms all of a sudden as if there's a weight on her chest.

Caspian reaches out for his father the second he's within reach, "Momma," he says, pointing at the doors. President Snow's face is grim but he nods, "I can take him." Normally, Soarynn would hesitate, not wanting to burden her employer but today is not the day to question his orders so she silently hands the small boy off to his father who holds him as if he weighs nothing.

"Let's go visit your mother," he says to the children, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a key.

Soarynn takes this as her sign to leave and gives the girls one last encouraging nod before she walks back to where Eudora is standing. They both watch the Snow family make their way inside the mausoleum, all of them scuffling behind one another. "It never gets easier," Eudora says with a sigh, "last year was horrible if you can imagine."

Soarynn certainly can imagine how terrible it must have been, the first year is always the hardest. "He seems tired," Soarynn notes, "his patience is thinner today than it usually is."

Eudora lets out a dry laugh, "If he had his way, we wouldn't even come and visit her. He does this for the children, it helps them understand and move on. But I know he wants nothing more than to move past this."

Soarynn can't imagine wanting to move past the death of her husband if she should ever marry. She'd spend every day mourning his loss and yet President Snow looks like he'd rather be at a meeting.

"I suppose we all grieve differently," Soarynn decides.

Soarynn looks over at the fence where a crowd has gathered, watching them and the Snow family with curious eyes and a few with cameras. "Is there always a crowd?" Eudora perks up and nods, "Oh yes. Last year it was even bigger, that's why we closed down the cemetery today, it was far too chaotic the first time."

It must be terribly strange to have people watching your every move while you mourn the loss of a family member. The Snows are already under a microscope, and Livia's death has only increased people's opinions about them.

"Is it alright if I walk around for a bit?" Soarynn asks, shoving her hands into the pockets of her coat, "I feel a bit out of place just standing here." Eudora gives her shoulder a gentle pat, meant to be comforting, "Of course, dear."

Soarynn offers her a tight-lipped smile before she begins her journey to the far side of the cemetery where many elite members of society have been buried. While none of their graves compare to Livia's, they're still monumental, not to mention incredibly expensive. It's one thing to afford a nice house or apartment while you're living, but to afford a tombstone when you're dead is another thing entirely.

Soarynn wouldn't care if she was buried in a wooden box, but that's just the way things are.

She passes several plots reserved for entire families before she stops in front of the familiar plot, only space for one more grave.

Hers.

She walks up to the graves of both her parents, dusting off any dirt or leaves from the tops. Her fingertips drag over the engraved words on their headstones.

Cera Nightingale - Beloved Wife & Mother "Till we meet again in the meadow."

Glen Nightingale - Beloved Husband & Father "My grief has been the souvenir of our love."

What will hers read?

Beloved Daughter & Cat Owner?

She can't imagine what will happen when Petunia gets older, she's all she has left of her father, and her family for that matter.

"I miss you," she whispers, resting a hand against her father's headstone, "I miss you every time I close my eyes."

Soarynn hadn't known loss until she lost her father. It's terrifying to love something that death can so easily touch.

Soarynn stays there for what feels like an eternity until she hears a small voice calling out her name, "Soarynn!"

Soarynn quickly wipes any trace of tears or emotion off of her face before turning around to face Ceraphina who's run up to her, her cheeks red from the cold. She doesn't look like she's been crying her eyes out which is a good thing she hopes. "Hello darling," she greets her, brushing a stray hair from her face, "how're you feeling?"

Ceraphina shrugs, looking around at the surrounding graves, "I'm okay. We got to pick the roses and put them on Mommy's grave and then I got to talk to her and tell her I turned five and then Celeste talked to her and said she turned four. Then Caspian said something about Lenny except I can't remember the rest. Then Daddy whispered some words and now here we are."

Soarynn looks up to find that the entire Snow family has made their way over to her, Eudora included. Ceraphina peers around Soarynn's legs and her eyes zero in on her parent's tombstones, "Did you know these people?"

Soarynn hums, "These are my parents graves."

She watches Ceraphina slowly approach the tombstones, her small hand resting on her mother's stone, "Do you come to visit them a lot?" Soarynn shakes her head, more guilt eating away at her heart, "No," she answers, "I should visit more often but I don't."

She watches out of the corner of her eyes as Celeste lets go of her father's hand and reluctantly walks over to her big sister, her eyes scanning the engraved words. "Is this about the meadow song?"

Soarynn tilts her head at the question, "The meadow song?"

"Uh-huh. The meadow song with the bed of grass. It says: 'Till we meet again in the meadow.' Is that what it's talking about?"

Soarynn honestly hadn't thought of that before. She'd visited her mother's grave countless times when her father was still alive but she never really considered the meaning behind the words that were the last bits of Cera Nightingale. Leave it to a four-year-old to put the pieces together before she did.

"That's a nice way to think of it," she finally says.

The girls whisper a few things to each other and then turn back around, "Can we leave them flowers?"

A smile creeps onto Soarynn's face at their sweet request. She brought flowers in the beginning after her father died, but she stopped after a while. Stopped trying, stopped trying to heal that hole in her heart. But these girls might just be able to fix it.

"We sure can."

The girls smile and take each other's hands to go and pick some flowers growing near the fence. Soarynn watches them and feels his presence next to her, both of them grieving different losses today, "Do you think they're proud of you?"

Soarynn swallows at his question, it's a loaded one but she never had to worry about making her parents proud. That was never the most important thing to her family. "I think they're cheering me on," she answers, finally looking up at him. Even dressed in all black, President Snow is so very handsome. His gaze never wavers away from his girls but she can see how emotionally exhausting this has all been for him.

"I don't think Livia is cheering me on," he says, shaking his head, "I think she's watching me and thinking about what a failure I am to our children."

Soarynn frowns and rests a hand on his arm before she can stop herself and he finally tears his gaze away from the girls to look down at her, piercing blue meeting stormy gray, "You're not a failure," she says softly, "you're a father, and you're trying your best. Just like my father did. He certainly didn't have it all figured out on the first day."

President Snow looks over at her father's tombstone and he furrows his brows, "Your father was a good man. He had it much harder than me, raising an infant while also mourning the death of his wife and yet he never once thought about hiring a nanny. He said you deserved better, that you deserved his attention and he was right," his eyes hold a hint of what might be adoration but Soarynn isn't sure, "you do deserve better Soarynn."

She could blame it on the wind or the cold but Soarynn feels tears burning in her eyes, "You're a good father," she insists, "I've seen it with my own eyes, you love your children and you're trying to do the best by them, even if it means hiring a nanny. Admitting your weaknesses is the first step to getting stronger. You can't be there for them all the time so you found someone who can. That doesn't make you a monster, it makes you human."

She swears she can see a tear roll down his cheek but her vision is pretty blurry from her own tears.

"Sometimes I worry the grief might never leave," he admits, blinking away any possible tears, "not that we had much love for each other to begin with."

Soarynn can hear the girls running back to them, giggling while holding flowers no doubt to decorate her parent's graves. They both look over and watch the girls run to Eudora first, showing her and then Caspian, who's hugged to her hip the flowers. Caspian smiles and reaches down to touch the petals. So young and yet so much life ahead of him, ahead of all of them really.

"The grief might end someday," Soarynn says, "but the love never will."

| Part 5. |

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

{ Part 6. }

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slaymitchabernathy · 2 months ago

Text

The Nanny

꧁ One Week Later ꧂

Soarynn brings her hands up to her mouth, blowing air onto them in hopes of warming them up. It snowed last night and the children have been itching to explore the fresh blanket of fallen snow since the second they woke up.

The girls giggle while they run around the snow-covered grounds, leaving behind tiny footprints. Soarynn smiles at the sight, doing her best to forget about how terrified she had been a week prior. To forget about the attack.

When they arrived at the Capitol the morning after, they moved silently. No one had been made aware of the conflict that took place in Four and Coriolanus planned on keeping it that way. They exited through the front of the train, heading down a dark maintainence tunnel where a car was waiting for them.

Very few people were told about the attack, such as Quintus Heavensbee and the family doctor who conducted several checks on Soarynn and the children once they were safely inside the President's Mansion. He told her that her nose wasn't broken, only swollen, and that the bruising around her eye would disappear. He also provided some healing salve to speed up the process.

He had offered to test for the possibility of any sexually transmitted diseases but she assured him that nothing had transpired while she was held captive. Part of her wondered if Coriolanus didn't entirely trust her, would he go to such lengths to confirm or deny her claim?

Coriolanus had locked himself away in his study the first day they got back from the trip, goodness knows how much work he would have to do. But he's been acting more...flippant. Asking her how she's doing more often, checking in on her more often, encouraging her to ask the staff for anything she might possibly need. As if she could ever need anything while living with him and his family.

He seems more caring but Soarynn wonders if it's because of the attack or what transpired after. The kiss.

Oh, that kiss has been the bane of her existence. Some of her wishes that she let it go further, that she spent the night in his embrace. But the other half of her is glad she didn't give in to her desires. Even though she really wanted to.

He had come up to her the following day with specific instructions that she could not under any circumstances leave the property with or without the children until he said so. Soarynn had been a bit put off by that order but he explained that no one could see her in this injured state, and he wasn't too keen on letting his children out of his sight at the moment. So, they stayed inside, they could go out onto the grounds so long as they didn't go beyond the fence. It's not like they could with the heightened Peacekeeper presence surrounding the Mansion.

The Snows were on high alert.

Soarynn had asked Eudora if they'd still be throwing the end-of-the-year party and Eudora confirmed that the party was still on as far as she knew. Soarynn hoped it would stay that way, the girls were so excited about it.

"Look Soarynn! I made a snow angel and I'm a Snow!"

Soarynn walks over to Ceraphina who's sitting in the snow, not a care in the world as to how cold it is outside right now. It had taken quite a bit of convincing to get the girls to wear coats, hats, and gloves before they braved the cold but Soarynn insisted that they wear the gloves. Caspian had already thrown his off, he hated the things and Soarynn had given up on making him wear them about an hour ago.

"What a beautiful angel," Soarynn says, giving Ceraphina a nod of approval. Celeste runs between the two of them, her pink scarf flying behind her like a cape. Celeste had insisted on wearing her favorite pink scarf as well, claiming that it was the "perfect accessory."

"There's Daddy," she points, looking up at the large windows overlooking the grounds.

Soarynn looks up as well, her heart beats a little faster when she spots Coriolanus looking down on them. "Wave to your father Cas," Soarynn says, lifting one of Caspian's little arms. Caspian mumbles something about Lenny who was not allowed to come to play in the snow for fear of him getting dirty and buries his head in her neck. Soarynn chuckles, pressing a kiss to his head, "You'll see Lenny soon when you take your nap."

She looks back up at Coriolanus one more time, offering him a wave this time, and to her surprise, he returns it. Another man joins him after a moment, Quintus Heavensbee from the looks of it and he also waves which is a big hit with the girls who gasp and also start waving. "Daddy can see us!" Celeste says, running up to Soarynn and clinging to her leg.

Soarynn nods, tearing her gaze away from the most conflicting man she's ever met to focus on his darling daughter, "He certainly can," she agrees, "and you look so stylish in your winter coat."

Both girls wore light pink coats today to match their hats while Soarynn dressed Caspian in a dark red coat, very similar to one that his father often wears when addressing the nation outside. Soarynn went with a cream-colored coat today, a brave choice while watching three children but she felt it made her look sophisticated. She'd taken off her gloves to hold Caspian better but she was beginning to regret her decision.

If only Caspian enjoyed the snow more. He liked it for about...two minutes. Then he was tugging at her pant leg, asking to be held which she happily obliged to. "Can we go inside can we have hot chocolate?" Ceraphina's question causes Soarynn's stomach to grumble in agreement, "Yes," she answers, "hot chocolate sounds delightful." It really does and then she could put Caspian down for a nap right after.

She had worried that the attack might've had severe psychological effects on the children but they glazed right over it. After losing their mother, perhaps nothing phased them anymore.

It certainly affected her but she was doing a good job at pretending like it didn't.

And she'd keep acting that way until she forgot how it felt to be thrown around, treated like she was nothing. She knew she wasn't nothing, she was just the nanny.

꧁ ꧂

"Does it hurt when I press down?"

Soarynn looks up at the ceiling while the doctor applies a slight pressure to her nose, it doesn't hurt anymore which is a relief. She had worried that her injury might have led to something more severe like a ruptured sinus or a disfigured nose.

"No, it doesn't," she answers.

The doctor hums, pulling his hand away from her face, "Good, it's almost back to normal. By the end of the week, you'll be good as new." Soarynn forces a polite smile onto her lips, fighting the urge to ask if he can prescribe anything to fix the damage that has been done to her on the inside, not the outside.

"Now, let's check on your eye. You haven't been experiencing any vision problems since I last saw you correct?" Soarynn shakes her head while carding a hand through her hair, "No, my vision hasn't been affected by the bruising."

The doctor pulls a tool out of his bag that shines a bright light on her face, "Keep your eye open," he instructs, "I just want to make sure the cornea is still intact." Soarynn has no idea what any of that means but she does as she's told and holds still, even though she can feel her eye beginning to water from the bright light.

Finally, he pulls away from her face and she lets out a breath of relief, "All is well then?" She asks, watching him pack up his things after scribbling down some notes. She wonders if he gives these reports to Coriolanus. He probably does. Nothing happens under his roof without him knowing about it.

"Yes," he confirms with a smile, "you seem to be right on track to a healthy recovery. Just remember, if your eye begins to bother you, use a hot and cold compress and have President Snow give me a call."

"Thank you doctor."

Soarynn watches the man walk out of her bedroom, leaving the doors slightly ajar and she falls back onto her bed, sighing loudly. She's been so tired lately, she hasn't been sleeping well since they got back home. She wonders if this might be some sort of post-traumatic disorder. Maybe she should've mentioned it to the doctor, or has he already noticed and told Coriolanus?

She certainly hasn't been slacking when it comes to her job as a nanny but she knows herself well enough to know that eventually, this will all catch up to her.

Maybe she can get some sleep now that the doctor's gone. She already put the children to bed. Sleep sounds good. Her eyes slowly drift shut and she focuses on breathing in and out, in, and out, in and… "Soarynn? Coriolanus wants to speak with you dear."

Soarynn rolls over to her stomach and groans into the mattress before pushing herself back up, "I'm coming," she calls back, not wanting Eudora to come in and find her like this, sulking and moping about. She slides off the bed, hoping she doesn't look as miserable as she feels before yanking open the doors, "Did he say what he wanted to talk to me about?"

Eudora shakes her head, waving for Soarynn to follow her, "I imagine it'll have something to do with the attack," she muses, leading them to the back staircase, "he's been working on interrogating all the Rebels who took you and the children hostage. You might need to identify some of the men who escaped."

Soarynn's mind immediately goes to Marvin who managed to slip off the boat and swim away unscathed. His friends couldn't say the same. But did they catch him?

"Soarynn?"

Soarynn blinks several times, pulled from her frequent thoughts of District Four, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" Eudora gives her a concerned look from over her shoulder as they make their way down the hallway, "I asked how everything went with the doctor. Did he say anything?"

Soarynn shakes her head, "No, nothing major to report. My nose and eye should be back to normal by the end of the week."

Eudora lets out a sigh of relief, "Well that's good to hear. It'd be a shame if those brutes managed to mark up your pretty face permanently." Soarynn merely hums in reply, both women coming to a stop in front of the ominous doors that lead to Coriolanus Snow's study.

"I'll be in my room should you need anything," Eudora tells her.

Soarynn nods and watches Eudora walk back down the hallway, she's been staying in her honorary bedroom since the attack, swarmed with paperwork and reports to sort through for Coriolanus.

Soarynn gently knocks on the doors, her gut feels like it's been twisted into a knot. "Come in," he calls from the other side.

Soarynn quietly opens the doors, closing them behind her. It's dark in his study, only the fireplace and a few lamps providing him with light as he works.

She slowly approaches his desk, unsure of how to conduct herself with her boss behind closed doors after the last time they were alone together. Coriolanus remains focused on his work, not even sparing her a glance when she sits down. Soarynn absentmindedly drums her fingers against the armrests of the chair, looking up at the ceiling and the carvings that look down on her.

"Your nose looks better."

Soarynn looks back down and across the desk at Coriolanus who sits back in his chair, pen in hand but his attention is now on her, "And your eye," he adds. Soarynn is now hyperaware of her appearance, she had taken off her makeup per the doctor's request and she had planned on trying to sleep right after he left which means she's barefaced once again.

"The doctor said I should be healed up by the end of the week."

"I know," he answers, his blue eyes scanning her face, "he also said that you haven't been getting enough sleep."

Soarynn tenses in her seat, "I never said I wasn't getting enough sleep."

His lips curl up into a smirk and he tilts his head, looking very handsome while doing so, "You don't need to tell him anything. He's a practiced man and he's been staring into your eye for the past few days, he can tell when someone hasn't been getting enough rest. Not to mention it's clear as day to the rest of us."

Soarynn frowns, she's been doing a good job at acting like everything is fine but maybe she hasn't been doing as good as she thought. "I'm fine," she insists, mimicking his relaxed body language, "Eudora said you might ask me about identifying our kidnappers."

Her attempt to switch topics has its intended effect and he drops his smirk and leans forward, adopting the stern persona she's more than used to dealing with by now. "Yes," he shuffles through some papers on his desk, "we apprehended everyone on the beach that wasn't shot on sight but we need you to confirm a few of these Rebels before we proceed."

He slides a file toward her and Soarynn tentatively reaches for it, opening it up to find Marvin's face staring up at her, "This is Marvin," she murmurs, flipping to the next page, finding the face of the man who was shot while trying to jump off looking up at her as well. "And this man was trying to escape," she brings her fingers up to her mouth, remembering how the blood tasted, "I...I saw him get shot. But he's dead now."

She flips through the remainder of the pages but finds no more familiar faces, "Those are the only two I came in contact with," she tells him, placing the file back on the desk, "what will happen to them?"

Coriolanus folds his hands, "I thought about turning them into Avoxes," Soarynn swallows at the casual threat, "but that was too merciful. They'll be executed along with the rest of the Rebels later this week and we'll televise the aftermath to deter any other Districts from trying anything before the year is up."

She sits back in her chair, he says it so casually as if talking about what they'll have for breakfast tomorrow.

"Do you think I should do something else to punish these men?"

Her eyes widen at his question, Soarynn could never conjure up such a punishment, her mind wouldn't allow it. "They said they wanted you to stop the Hunger Games," she recalls, watching his face carefully, "but I guess you won't be doing that."

Coriolanus shakes his head, "I won't be doing that," he confirms, "it's my job to keep the Hunger Games alive."

What a horrible job to have.

"Okay," she says softly, "I trust you to make the right decision."

They both stare at each other for a moment, blue meeting blue-gray. It's like two different oceans crashing against each other. Sometimes, she feels so close to him, other times, she wonders if they're living on the same planet. They've gotten closer but they're still so far away.

Like December and January, so close yet so far.

"How's Petunia doing?"

Soarynn didn't expect him to ask her that, but it gets her mind off of things and she appreciates that, "She's happy to be back in my presence," she says, remembering how excited Petunia had been when Sejanus dropped her off. The girls had been more excited than Soarynn, hugging and kissing Petunia.

Coriolanus hums, "That's good. The stables are done being built."

Soarynn perks up at the good news, "Oh the children will be so excited."

Soarynn had forgotten all about their little agreement to get the children a horse or two to ride and take care of but it’s sure to be a hit. She wonders if each of the children should have their own horse or if just one would be better suited for them at their age. It would certainly teach them to share better.

While Caspian doesn't mind sharing, his sisters certainly do which is rather ironic since they have everything they could possibly need.

Coriolanus studies her for a moment, his eyes lingering on her lips for far too long, "I thought we might discuss what happened on the train," he finally says. Soarynn's breath hitches in her throat, is this when he fires her again? She definitely put her own feelings before the children's. Maybe that kiss was a test and she miserably failed.

"Oh," is all she has to say, her cheeks burning with shame. Coriolanis sighs, running his fingers through his trussed curls. They always look so pristine at breakfast, perfectly styled for another day of work but by the end of the day, they look softer, he looks softer.

"I think we can both agree that emotions were running high," he says and Soarynn nods, there were a lot of emotions on that train, "and we've been dancing around the most pressing topic since we got back," he continues. Soarynn sits up straighter, preparing herself to be fired once again except this time, he has proof. He was there.

His lips on her lips.

"Are you going to fire me?"

Coriolanus looks taken aback at her question, his eyebrows furrowing, "Fire you?"

Soarynn nods, her head hanging in shame, "I crossed a line," she tells him, "the children are the most important thing to me and I let my emotions rule over my decisions."

Coriolanus looks absolutely dumbfounded, so completely and utterly lost. "Soarynn, I'm not going to fire you." She lifts her head, staring into his gorgeous eyes, he truly is a handsome man. "You're not?"

Coriolanus shakes his head and a small smile grows on his lips, "I think the girls might actually kill me if you left again. And I simply wanted to talk about the change in our dynamic." Now Soarynn is the one who looks confused.

"Our dynamic?" She repeats, puzzled by his words. Their dynamic is crystal clear to her. She's the nanny, he's the President of Panem. Simple enough.

"I haven't kissed another woman since Livia," he admits, scratching the back of his neck, "I haven't even looked at another woman since Livia, and yet the second you stepped foot into this house, I haven't been able to entirely focus on my job."

Looks like we're in the same boat, she thinks but she just nods at him to keep going. Coriolanus sighs, "These things can be tricky, I have an insurmountable amount of pressure on me to always be the perfect leader, the perfect boss, the perfect father, but being the perfect partner is something I've always failed at."

"No one is perfect," she tells him softly, "it's impossible to be perfect. Someone will always feel as though you're not doing enough."

That seems to hit him hard as he leans back in his seat, deep in thought. "I enjoyed it," he finally says, looking across at her, "I enjoyed kissing you, holding you. I enjoy being in your presence even though I can tell that you're always on edge around me." He smirks and Soarynn immediately feels flustered and called out.

"Well, well you're the President," she argues, "and my boss. It's natural for me to have a certain degree of nerves. A healthy fear if you will." His smirk drops and Soarynn's heart along with it. Did she say something wrong?

"I've always said that it's better to be feared than loved," he tells her, "when people love you and you love them, they aren't afraid to push back. If people fear you, then they won't risk any pushback. It's the things we love most that destroy us."

Soarynn knows all about that. She loved her father with all her heart and his death absolutely destroyed her. Coriolanus loves his children with all his heart and people took them away from him, used them as leverage against him. But they used her too, which leads her to wonder how he felt about that.

"I don't want you to fear me Soarynn."

Maybe this attack left scars on him too, only on the inside but scars nonetheless. And maybe she'll be allowed to see them someday.

"You want me to love you?"

A pained look crosses his face, a look she's all too familiar with, the look of remembering what once was, what he used to have with another woman that wasn't her. Livia has left scars all over his body.

"I don't think I'm capable of loving anyone outside of my children," he admits, "but, I do think I'm capable of opening up again."

Soarynn can feel her heart beating so fast. It feels so hot in this room all of a sudden. So suffocating.

"Okay," is all she says.

Coriolanus holds out his hand, beckoning her to come over to him, "Come here," he says, calmly and quietly. Soarynn is shaking as she pushes herself from her chair. This is so different from the train. Their dynamic is different. She's dressed differently.

Still, she walks around the desk.

She's never been on this side of his desk but she bets he feels so powerful sitting behind it. He looks powerful now, with his shirt slightly unbuttoned and his legs spread as he turns to face her. She places her hand in his and he wraps his fingers around it, gently pulling her towards him until she's standing in between his legs.

Coriolanus takes his other hand and rests it on her bare thigh, causing Soarynn to draw in a shaky breath. She's never done any of this. Will he teach her or will he expected her to know how things are done in the bedroom? They're not even in a bedroom right now. They're in his study like she's some sweet little secret he doesn't want to get out.

His hand slides up further and further under her nightgown and stops when he reaches her inner thigh, inches away from her covered core. He looks up at her with those blue eyes, clouded with lust and desire. He tugs her forward and she gasps, within one swift motion, she's seated in his lap, essentially straddling him.

His lips are crashing against hers within seconds.

Coriolanus slides both hands under her nightgown, grabbing her waist and he groans. Soarynn whimpers when his teeth gently tug at her bottom lip, this is all so new to her, so new and overwhelming. He is overwhelming. All she can smell is roses.

She doesn't know what to do with her hands so she rests them on his broad shoulders, he feels so strong.

One of his hands slides down her back, resting on her ass and squeezing it. Soarynn moans into the kiss, and goosebumps cover her skin. He pulls away from the kiss only to start kissing up and down her jaw, pressing kisses on her neck as well. Soarynn sighs, staring up at the ceiling again, wondering if this is how all their encounters will go from now on. Secret and rushed.

His other hand leaves her waist, sliding out from under her nightgown to grab her throat. He applies a slight pressure to the sides of her neck and Soarynn gasps, her head feels hazy, her breaths are shortened and she's panicking.

She's remembering.

Remembering what those men said about her. How good she'd feel. How she's the President's whore.

Whore. Slut. The President's little plaything.

Her vision is growing spotty and his lips are getting more aggressive. Soarynn can feel his fingers sliding under the waistband of her panties. She tries to buck his hand off but he must think that she's into this, into him.

"Good girl," he praises, sucking on the tender skin under her ear.

Soarynn squeezes her eyes shut and uses all the strength in her body to shove him back. "Stop," she gasps, opening her eyes again, "stop, please stop." His hands disappear from her body instantly but she still feels like she's being choked, being touched. Touched by them, by those men who talked about fucking her while she was tied up.

Soarynn gasps for air, tears burn in her eyes.

"Soarynn," he starts, his eyes filled with concern and confusion but she's already shaking her head, already trying to get off of his lap.

Everything is so fuzzy and she ends up falling backward onto the floor. Pain shoots through her body but the adrenaline takes over and she pushes herself onto her feet, "I'm sorry," she whispers, shame flooding her voice, "I...I can't."

She rests a hand on the edge of his desk as she walks around it, ignoring his calls for her. She stumbles towards the doors, opening them and welcoming the fresh air.

"Soarynn," he calls again.

She ignores him.

She ignores everything while walking back down the hallway, a million terrible thoughts racing through her mind. She manages to make it to the back staircase and she leans against the banister for a second, catching her breath.

She can still feel his hands on her body and she hates it.

Soarynn grabs onto the railing and pulls herself onto the stairs, making her way up them at a pathetic rate. When she reaches the top, she's out of breath. She wonders what he's thinking, if he's following her, or if he's really going to fire her now that she's truly lost it.

Tears begin to stream down Soarynn's face but she keeps walking, desperate to go to her room and sleep all of this away. She walks past Ceraphina's room and chokes back a sob, she can't believe she made such a foolish risk like that when the children are her main priority.

How could she be so stupid?

When she finally gets to her own room, she slams the doors closed behind her, sinking down onto the floor. Soarynn pulls her knees up to her chest and allows herself to properly cry. Would this all be different if her father hadn't died? If Livia hadn't died? Are they both watching her run around with the President of Panem like she's living in some delusional fairy tale?

Her entire frame trembles as she cries, her gasps echo throughout her room. She's so tired, so exhausted both mentally and physically. When does it all end? The anxiety, the unknown, the battle between her heart and her head?

A soft purring momentarily distracts her from the world falling apart and she looks up from her spot on the floor to find Petunia staring up at her, those eyes identical to her own filled with unending devotion in a world full of conditions. "Oh Petunia," she whispers, "I ruined everything." More tears threaten to spill down her cheeks but Soarynn forces them back.

Coriolanus was right about one thing.

She's not getting enough sleep and she's exhausted. She knows that the lack of sleep isn't doing her or her emotions any favors. "Let's go to bed," she mumbles, reaching out for her loyal feline. Petunia allows her to scoop her up and Soarynn slowly stands to her feet, more stable now that she's had a proper breakdown. She doesn't even get under the covers, she just flops onto the bed and finally, finally gives into sleep.

꧁ ꧂

When Soarynn wakes up she can hear birds chirping accompanied by the sound of a small person breathing beside her.

She cracks one eye open and finds Celeste watching her intently. "Good morning," she whispers causing Soarynn to smile, she probably looks rough right now but Celeste isn't one to comment on one's outward appearance. That's her sister's specialty.

"Good morning darling," she replies, reaching out to rest a loving hand on her cheek. Celeste leans into her touch and her eyes hold worry and fear, "Daddy said you were sick so you couldn't come to breakfast, are you really sick?" Soarynn swallows, she must've slept through her alarm which means Coriolanus thinks she's avoiding him.

Which she is but that's a hard thing to do in his own house.

At least he came up with a good lie to cover up her absence. She feels bad though, missing breakfast means that either Coriolanus or Eudora had to wake the children up. "I'm not feeling my best," she answers truthfully, sitting up slowly, "but I don't think I'm sick."

Celeste lets out a sigh of relief and nods, "Okay good, I don't want you to get sick like Mommy did."

Soarynn feels her heart break into a million pieces.

She can't imagine the fear and anxiety that the children must deal with whenever the adults in their lives get sick or injured. The slightest cough must send them over the edge and here she is, sleeping through breakfast because she can't handle a bit of intimacy.

Get it together, she chides herself while patting the spot on the bed next to her, "Come sit darling." Celeste smiles at the opportunity to get into someone else's bed and attempts to jump onto the bed but she's still too little so Soarynn swoops her up, making her giggle. "Who woke you up?" Soarynn asks, running a hand through Celeste's curls. She's still dressed in her pajamas which means it's still early in the morning.

Celeste cuddles against her, "Eudora did. Then Daddy let me try some of his coffee but but was so yucky Soarynn." She grins at a very true statement, Soarynn has never been too fond of coffee even though it always smells delicious. Her father would always drink it at breakfast. He'd read the paper while they spent their mornings together, Soarynn preparing for school and her father preparing for work.

She misses those moments.

"At least you tried it," Soarynn tells her, "it's important to try new things." Celeste hums, playing with the hem of Soarynn's nightgown, "Can we go to the park today?" Soarynn wishes they could, the children are beginning to grow stir crazy and she can't really blame them. "Once my eye and nose look better then we can go," she tells Celeste who looks up at her face to assess the damage. "I'm sorry we couldn't help you," she says quietly, her eyes dropping back down.

Soarynn frowns, has Celeste been carrying around this guilt the entire time? And Ceraphina for that matter? Heaven knows what Caspian has been thinking about since they got back home.

Soarynn insistently shakes her head, quick to deter any of these terrible thoughts, "You all were a great help to me, darling. You kept me calm and you helped me when I fell. And most importantly, you listened to me. You all trusted me and I...I," Soarynn feels herself getting choked up but for different reasons this time, "I love you all very much. I can't imagine a world without you children in it."

Celeste's own face reflects the same feeling of endearment, her eyes look so much like his, and yet Soarynn knows exactly where her heart lies.

Coriolanus Snow might be a mystery to her but his children never are.

꧁ ꧂

Later that day, Soarynn finds herself at the Capitol Stables.

This is the last place she expected to be but according to Eudora, Coriolanus wants Soarynn to select the perfect horse for the children. She still hasn't seen Coriolanus since last night but she's perfectly fine with that.

"Did you ever go to the races?" Sejanus Plinth's question pulls her from her faraway thoughts about Coriolanus Snow and back into the present where they're strolling through the Stables, looking at all the horses in their stalls.

"I did," she answers, "my father loved watching the races and I loved the horses." Horse racing is a well-practiced sport in the Capitol, known for its wealthy spectators and expensive bets placed on the horses. During the off-season the Stables are open for people to visit the horses and even purchase one of their own should they choose to do so.

Soarynn has been the arena where the races take place but never the Stables, not until now that is. She didn't know what to expect and since Eudora would be watching the children, she had invited Sejanus to accompany her. She felt safer with someone beside her, and Sejanus had taken such great care of Petunia while they were gone.

Sejanus nods, "They're beautiful creatures," he agrees, "how was District Four by the way?" Soarynn pales a bit at his question, but she recovers smoothly, "It was cold," she answers, "but beautiful. The ocean is a force to be reckoned with."

They stop at one of the stalls where a spotted horse sticks its head out to greet them, "Oh, aren't you a pretty thing?" Soarynn asks, reaching out to scratch its head. They both chuckle when the horse leans out further, just like Petunia asking for pets. "Is there a specific color you're after?" Sejanus asks, resting a hand on its neck. Soarynn purses her lips, she wasn't given any specific instructions as to what to look for but she can imagine that Coriolanus would want something that screams 'The Snow Family.'

"Something white," she decides, giving the horse a pat farewell, "Coriolanus would like that."

Sejanus grins, "First name basis huh?" Her cheeks burn pink as she starts walking again, "You're not funny you know," she says, quickening her pace, "and he insisted that I be on a first-name basis with him." She slows her pace when she comes across a beautiful horse, all white, "Hello there," she greets, gripping the stall door. Sejanus comes up next to her, looking the horse up and down, "I'd say he matches your description, and as for Coriolanus, I'm simply surprised that he insisted. He's been so closed off since Livia."

Soarynn hums, watching the horse slowly walk up to them, its tail flicking behind it, "I know," she murmurs, "and I barely even speak to him as it is. We're both far too busy with our jobs." Lies, lies, lies.

Sejanus looks like he doesn't believe her but she chooses to ignore it. She's been choosing to ignore a lot of things lately.

꧁ ꧂

When Soarynn comes back from the Stables, all three of the Snow children rush to greet her. She must admit, it was nice to leave for a while, see the city again. Eudora had instructed her to apply a liberal amount of makeup to cover up any bruising or swelling and since Sejanus hadn't commented on any of it, she must've done a good job.

"You're back!" Ceraphina says, throwing her arms around Soarynn's legs. Soarynn almost tumbles back but Sejanus prevents that from happening, quickly steadying her, "Where are my hugs huh?" He teases, earning him more excited gasps. The children see Soarynn every day, Sejanus is a rare treat when it comes to visitors.

While Celeste and Ceraphina flock around Sejanus asking him all sorts of questions, Caspian slowly but surely toddles over to Soarynn, holding his hands out for balance. Soarynn grins at the sweet sight, "Come here sweet boy," she croons, bending down to pick him up. She sometimes finds it hard to believe that such a sweet child can exist in a world like this, that evil men had no issue holding up a gun to his head.

It makes her feel even worse about what happened last night.

A week ago she was fearing for her life and now she's having sexual relations with their father. What the hell is wrong with her?

He's probably stressed, she tells herself while watching the girls interact with Sejanus, he just needed to blow off some steam, this'll all blow over by the end of the week.

And it will. She'll work up the courage to talk to Coriolanus about all of this, get their relationship back on a professional track, and move forward.

Simple as that.

"Are you coming to the party Sejanus?" Ceraphina's question reminds Soarynn about the party that they'll be throwing at the end of the year. She's a bit surprised that Coriolanus is still going through with it but at the same time, she understands his need for normalcy and moving forward. If you dwindle in the past for too long, you're bound to be left behind.

And Soarynn refuses to be left behind.

"I am," Sejanus confirms with a nod of his head, "I can't wait to see you two tear it up on the dance floor again." The girls giggle at the memory of the last party they had but it only brings up more sour memories for Soarynn who only remembers how the night ended for her.

She presses a kiss to Caspian's blonde hair, if he hadn't spoken up for her, she might not be in this position right now.

She just doesn't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing.

꧁ ꧂

"Coriolanus, I wanted to discuss what our professional relationship has turned into. We're both adults and I would never want to jeopardize my job for the sake of physical intimacy."

Soarynn nods at her reflection in the mirror, "Just say that and you'll be fine," she mumbles, raking her fingers through her hair. The children are finally asleep and she's getting nervous. She could just go to bed, and pretend nothing happened last night but that would be childish, not to mention highly unprofessional.

As if kissing him while straddling him isn't considered unprofessional.

Still, one must make necessary strides toward things that are important to them. And keeping her job and not abandoning her children is very important to her.

Soarynn takes a few deep breaths before she feels prepared to face him. But it’ll feel like a long walk to his study. That’s fine, she can think about her stupid mentions and their consequences on the way down the hall.

Soarynn quietly opens her doors so she doesn’t somehow wake the children and can’t hide her look of surprise when she sees an Avox waiting outside of her bedroom. The Snows only hire Avoxes to do things such as cleaning and waiting on them so that no private information can be spread.

Soarynn has often shuddered at the thought of losing her tongue. How would she sing and laugh?

She swallows, taking a step back when the placid faced Avox moves towards her, holding out something in their hand. It takes her a moment to realize that it’s a letter. A letter that looks identical to the one she had waiting for her in her closet when she first moved in.

Soarynn takes the letter.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, only getting a silent nod in reply. Well, she can’t expect much.

She closes the doors behind her, the original mission long forgotten as she tears open the letter, breaking the seal with a rose embossed on it.

Her fingers shake as she unfolds the perfectly folded paper.

Soarynn, You won’t find me in my study tonight, some work-related issues have been brought to my attention and as you know, I intend to solve every problem sent my way. As for the growing problem between us, allow me to offer my deepest apologies for any pain I might have caused you. If I moved too fast or hurt you in any way please know that was never my intention. Despite the internal struggles within our complex relationship, I still find myself drawn to you like a moth to a flame. You’ll find me to be a terribly possessive man who doesn’t back down from a fight easily. Whenever you’re ready, I trust you’ll know where to find me. Until then, sleep well and look after my children for me. Yours truly, Coriolanus

Soarynn nearly crumples the letter in her hands. How is it possible for a man to make her feel so many things at once?

He knows what he’s doing, she’ll give him that. But why her? There’s a part of her that still worries this might just be a ploy to get into her pants. The other part, the optimistic part, thinks and hopes that this might be more. That Coriolanus might see her as an equal, as someone to cherish and spend time with.

She just wishes she could figure out which one she’d prefer.

But after reading that letter, it seems she has no choice but to play his little game. It’s fine, she tells herself, thinking about those men who were so easily sniped from the shore, those men whose lives were so easily discarded by Coriolanus.

There are much worse games to play.

| Part 8. |

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

{ Part 9. }

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